By Jacinta Rini
Assertiveness is the ability to communicate what we want, feel and think to
other people without ignoring other people feeling but still appreciate their
rights. To behave assertively, someone has to be honest to himself and honest
in expressing his feeling, opinion and needs proportionally, without any means
to manipulate, use or harm other people.
What is The Different
Between Aggressive and Non-Assertive?
Someone is assertive only if he is able to act sincerely and honestly in expressing
his feeling, thought, and point of view to other people, so he does not harm
or injure other people’s integrity. In the other side, aggressive tends
to show expression abuses, harms, contemptuous and even controls other people.
There is inappreciative in interaction or communication.
Attitude or aggressive behavior tends to adverse other people because sometimes
it blames, humiliates, attacks (verbally or physically), overreacts, insists,
endangers, teases (like critics or commands which is unpleasant to hear), satirizes
or deliberately spreads the gossips.
Someone becomes non-assertive if he fails to express his feeling, thought and
point of view or belief; or if he express his behavior in particular way so
that other people will give response which is unpleasant or negative.
Why do People Dislike
Mostly, people dislike being assertive because in he has a fear to disappoint
other people. He is afraid if at the end he is disliked or not accepted. Another
reason why people dislike being assertive is because they want to maintain “the
existence of relationship” and avoid hurting other people. Actually by
letting ourselves to behave non-assertively (hiding feeling or argument) will
threat relationship because one of the sides will feel used.
How assertive are
These are some questions you can ask to yourselves as indicators of assertiveness.
- Whether you are used to express your feeling or opinion clearly to other people.
- Whether you ask for help to someone else when you really need help?
- Whether you ask questions to other people when you are in uncertainty?
- Whether you are able to give your view openly when you are not in the same
opinion with other people?
- Whether you often speak in front of the class or public?
- Whether you are able to say “no” when you don’t want to
do that job?
- Whether you speak with confidence and communicate warmly?
- Whether you are looking at the face of your partner when you are speaking
For Being Assertive
These are the tips how to say “no” to the request.
the right attitude, whether you want to approve or not. If you are not sure
with your choice, then you can ask for chance to think until you get the certainty.
If you are already sure with your choice, then it will be easier to tell and
you are will be more confident.
- If you
are still confused with what they want from you, ask to get the clarification.
the clarification of your disapproval clearly, briefly and logically. The
detail explanation will only arise argument from other people.
- Use the
decisive words. Say “no” will be better than “I think I
am not quite disagree….I think I am in the same opinion with you….I
don’t think I can….”
- Be sure,
your body language express the same ‘language” with your thought
and your verbalization. Sometimes people do not show the refusal directly,
but with the they laugh and smile instead.
- Use the
words “ I won’t….” or “ I have decided to…”
is better than “I find it difficult to…”. Saying “
I already decided to…” shows explicit attitude or the behavior
you really want to show.
- If you
fine someone who continually pushes you whereas already continually refuse,
the alternative attitude or action you can do is ignoring, shifting the conversation
or even stopping the communication.
- You don’t
have to ask for apology for the refusal that you say (because you think that
the refusal will hurt or annoy someone else). Actually it will be better for
you to say empaticly like : “I understand that this news is not a reassuring
news for you, but I have already decided to…”
be easier to feeling guilty! You are not responsible for the life of other
people or for the happiness for other people.
- You can
negosiate with other people, so that both side will get the way out without
sacrificing the feeling, wishes or interest of each side.
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